Three Wishes
By Christine Louise Hohlbaum
www.DiaryofaMother.com
My mother had three wishes when we were young. That we all bear children who behave as we did, that she occasionally get ten minutes to herself, and that her house were permanently clean (and not by her own doing). They are most likely wishes that every mother has had at one point or another in her career of active motherhood.
When I first had children, I really didn#146;t think much about my mother#146;s wishes. I was busy feeling overwhelmed, ill-equipped, and sleep-deprived. Once the dust settled and we had a routine, I began to see more clearly what was going on in my life.
And then it happened.
I didn#146;t mean for it to. I broke my vow. No, not a marital one. We#146;re just as happy as we were ten years ago on that hot August day when we both said "I do." Something else happened. I wished Sophia to have a daughter just like her. Aloud. In broad daylight. With witnesses. Okay, so it was just her three-year-old brother, but he heard it. So did I.
My mother used to say to me, "I hope you have a daughter just like you!" She would use her sing-song voice, the voice struggling for control over the desire to throttle her kid for doing what kids do best: drive their parents to the verge of insanity. I heard it so often that, while she never said it with malice, I had the sense it wasn#146;t a good thing to wish something like that on another person. Especially if that other person is slightly whiny. Or impatient. Or, well, a pain.
The other day I said it to my daughter, Sophia. Many times before I have wanted to say it and have not. I bit my tongue and did not yield to the temptation. But then, in a flash, I had to make a decision. She wanted a yogurt. I opened one and put it in front of her. She grinned and said, "I don#146;t want yogurt. I want melon." Gracefully, I turned on my heel and took in a breath. My lips parted ever so slightly and the thought jumped to my mind. Do not get angry. Get even.
I wheeled around and grinned back at my angelic child sitting daintly at the kitchen table and uttered the words, "I hope you have a daughter#133;JUST#133;LIKE#133;YOU!" She smiled and nodded in agreement. Lol! She knows not what I am saying, I thought.
Since that day, the dam has been broken. I have said it twice since that fateful afternoon when I dangled on the precipice between sane and mentally infirm. It is perhaps an unnecessary self-flagellation. My daughter#146;s face lights up every time when I say it. She probably thinks I wish her all the best--which I do. All the best entails growing and learning. As parents, we are faced with those challenges every day. If "all the best" involves a bit of personal stretching, by golly! I wish the best for my children. And ten minutes to myself. And a clean house to boot.
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, has been published in hundreds of publications and has appeared on NPR twice. When she isn#146;t writing, leading toddler playgroups or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site:
www.DiaryofaMother.com
. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
